Flowers of Fall

61

By echoe0021

A sonnet

Tell me flower of fall all that you may see,

tell me of the events that have brought you here

to winter, to death, to the lifeless despair and fear.

"A love once loved, all in a summer scene.

A man, a woman in painting. She cradled me

within her hands before I was placed upon his ear.

They smiled at one another, radiant as the sun, their love was severe.

Then she wept, a storm burned inside, love was dying it seemed."


"He queried of the circumstance that had brought forth this sadness.

She did not respond, but only turned away and hid her face.

Summer had ended I feared as autumn had come in its place.

I could scarcely endure the journey falling from the highest of highs,

bracing myself for what may come about; nature's madness

ushered in the loveless winter. In that time, lover's warmth had died."


This is my second sonnet, hopefully it is not too bad. Please leave any critiques you may have. Thank you so much for reading.

Source: xymonau

Comments

Senoritaa profile image

Senoritaa Level 6 Commenter 5 months ago

I am not a expert on sonnets but I think this is beautiful. You get the feel of a fallen flower as you read through it.

wearenotthesame00 profile image

wearenotthesame00 5 months ago

Nicely written (:

Hillbilly Zen profile image

Hillbilly Zen 5 months ago

It's definitely "not too bad"! The only advice I would give is in response to your comment that you "rushed" - don't. Take the time to choose your words carefully and sparingly. Sometimes all the "the's" and "that's" and "but's" aren't necessary.

This is really good, Mr. echoe0021. I really hope you're able to find the time to continue your writing process.

echoe0021 profile image

echoe0021 Hub Author 5 months ago

Thank you all for the comments, and thank you zen for the advice.

Dim Flaxenwick profile image

Dim Flaxenwick Level 7 Commenter 5 months ago

Voted up and beautiful and l must say it a refreshing change to see a sonnet, these days.

l have tried writing one mysellf, but failed miserably.

Therefore l am in awe of you, but also agree with Hillbilly Zen about the ´´the thats. etc.,

The rose pic finished it off wonderfully.

The Stages Of ME profile image

The Stages Of ME Level 4 Commenter 5 months ago

I think it is lovely :)

LVidoni5 profile image

LVidoni5 Level 4 Commenter 4 months ago

I agree with the above. I thought it was great, I don't know a thing about structured poetry but it had me taking notes. Good work.. look forward to reading more.

echoe0021 profile image

echoe0021 Hub Author 4 months ago

Thank you much LVidoni

Crystar 3 months ago

Hey there, Jeremy! I've read it twice. It's perfect to me. Well done! Voted up, awesome & beautiful.

echoe0021 profile image

echoe0021 Hub Author 3 months ago

Thank you Crystar.

thelyricwriter profile image

thelyricwriter Level 8 Commenter 2 months ago

Voted up, awesome, and beautiful Jeremy. This is very well written my friend. You have a great talent. Take care.

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